It was at that point in my life I discovered yoga and the art of meditation. A yoga class was being offered at the college and I thought, "What the heck, what can it hurt?" It was 90 minutes of stretching, twisting, holding poses I never knew existed, and a lot of breath control. At the end of the class I was exhausted yet felt liberated and knew I found something that I needed very badly and had to pursue.
I knew I had to know more about yoga because it was going to be my life long endeavor. Goswami Kriyananda, Temple of Kriya Yoga http://www.yogakriya.org/, became my distant learning guru. Not knowing exactly where I was headed I practiced yoga and meditation every day and discovered myself being transformed from a self-indulgent introvert into a more caring person. The universe really didn't revolve around me. I learned there was really no "me" or "I" or small self. All that crap was an illusion - a figment of my imagination.
All those years I was duped into thinking everything was about me and mine. I learned that there is more to life - the universe - than this tiny little drop called "self." It was a metamorphosis. I was slowly emerging from a dark cave of apathy, anxiety, and depression into a much brighter world. It was like coming out of a dark pit into clean, fresh air.
That was eighteen years ago. I can now speak in front of groups and enjoy. It may be students, supervisors, or anybody. The energy now flows both ways - from me to them and from them to me simultaneously. Fear of speaking or reading in front of a group no longer exists. Fear was the negative force that created my anxiety and panic. In the next blog I'll talk about fear.
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