Where does Pure Awareness go?

It seems to me the ultimate test for pure awareness is my ability to ramian calm under adverse conditions like when someone "presses my buttons" that would normally make me angry, anxious or frustrated. I was driving into Gainesville yesterday and someone passed me and then swirved in front and immediately slowed down. Something like that would have really pi**ed me off not long ago. I would have said some profanity and gotten really mad and my blood pressure would have gone up. This time I saw the driver as someone who was confused or maybe effen demented and needed help. I felt sympathy for the person and even said a little prayer for him as he sped up and went on down the road.

The feeling of being in pure awareness is truly amazing. It is such a wonderful place to be, I wonder why I can't be there all the time. There is no anamosity toward anyone or anything. When I'm in pure awareness I know everything is just the way it's supposed to be. There is no need to judge because to do so would simply be an opinion on the ego's values that have been building up over the years due to genetics and upbringing. All this stuff that makes me pontifical, pompous and pigheaded is nothing but the ego. To go beyond the ego feels so great I want to be there all the time. This is how life can honestly andtruly be all the time. When the ego doesn't have a grip on me I become free from self-consciousness, negative emotions and all the other illusions that keep me from what I truly am - a being of ultimate freedom.

For some reason something takes me out of pure awareness when I least expect it. I can be totally aware of the surroundings, Presence, the Divine, free from negative emotions and in the moment and then all of a sudden "pop," I make derogatory remark to somebody or I get mad at something or someone over something that "pressed my buttons." It all has to do with the ego wanting to keep itself secure and separate from the outside world. A few days ago my dear wife said she didn't think I was aware of what was going on in the community. She said that if I were truly an aware person I would be more intuned to what other people in the area were doing. Immediately my ego popped up and began defending itself. I said, "Awareness doesn't necessarily mean to know what every person in this town is doing. Awareness is being present in the moment."

When you try to defend your actions, that is the ego talking. The ego takes everything personally. The ego must maintain a positive self-image. When you are identified with your values, your desires and feelings the ego has you and won't let you go. In other words, the ego is the exagerrated expression of your values and feelings. And the ego can be very elusive. When you think you have gotten rid of the ego it can reappear as something all together different than what you expected; another thought, another concept, another bias.

More about the ego to come.